Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
