i think i have two assholes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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