she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
