I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
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Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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