I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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