he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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