you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
