I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
