FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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