I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
