All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
