I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
