I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
