I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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