Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
