i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
