I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
