Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
