I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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