So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
