She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
