he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
