so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
