alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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