He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
