She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
