Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
