dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
