community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
