I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
