Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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