You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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