i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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