I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
