I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
