i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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