She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
