I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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