Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
