some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
