My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
