all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
