I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
