Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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