just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
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Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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