she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
