I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
