Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
