I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
