I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
