I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
