8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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