my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You took a bar mat shot.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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