do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
