You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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