I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
