dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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