Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
