what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
