Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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