Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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