I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Farmville is her only friend.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
