I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
