i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
