Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
