Welp...herpes.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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