Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
