how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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