Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
