At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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