i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
