Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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