you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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