Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
